Smoking weed may be fun, but getting caught high sure isn't. Despite recent strides in decriminalizing cannabis, many still don't approve of the herb in question. Don't get caught high, alone, and unprepared! Faking sobriety is a skill any stoner should learn to use. And let's face it: there are a million scenarios where being visibly stoned is the last thing you want.
Big speeches, family events, and even casual small talk can seem scary if you don't know how to pretend you're sober when you most definitely aren't. Lucky for us, there are a few tips and tricks that make hiding your weed high as easy as pie.
With a bit of cannabis (and a lot of practice), you can learn to hide your weed high from just about anyone. So pack yourself a bowl, read these tips, and get ready to go:
How Can People Tell When You're Stoned?
The worst part of being stoned in public is worrying about whether or not the people around you can tell that you're high. You don't want anyone to notice that you smoked weed; not the cashier at the theater, the strangers on the street, or even your own mother (especially your own mother). Any tiny detail can give you away, which is why it's important to know the most common mistakes stoners make:
- Smelling Like Weed: Nothing makes people assume you're stoned quite like the lingering scent of weed. The smell is obvious, traceable, and is enough to kill your chances of hiding the fact that you're totally high.
- Behaving Unusually: Everyone behaves a little differently when they're high. Weed is, after all, a drug! Body language and the way you communicate gives other people a great way to gauge your sobriety.
- Having Droopy or Red Eyes: Probably the most indicative sign that someone has consumed cannabis, red eyes and heavy lids are as close to a trademark as stoners get.
- Using Stoner Slang: People who are engaged in the cannabis community use certain words that aren't considered normal in everyday speech. Don't ruin your chances of hiding your weed high by slipping in casual cannabis slang!
- Dressing Like You Smoke Weed: Anything that sports a cannabis leaf, indicates to 4:20, or even alludes to legalization will probably single you out as a cannabis consumer. Wearing socks covered in weed leaves just isn't something non-stoners do.
7 Tips to Hide Your Weed High
Appearing sober isn't only about looking normal; you have to act normal as well. People who know you well will be harder to fool since any small sign could be a big indicator.
Get Rid of the Smell
If you've recently smoked weed, chances are you still smell like you did. And even if you think you don't smell, you probably do. Weed is pungent, and that's part of why stoners love it so much. Unfortunately, that strong smell lingers on your skin, hair, and clothing after you smoke. Either smoke outside, take a shower, or mask it with another scent. Even brushing your teeth, splashing your face with water, or airing out for a while can help dissipate the smell.
First impressions are important, and (though we may not like it) the way you dress says a lot about you. Wearing obvious stoner clothing with tie-dye or rasta colors is pretty much equivalent to shouting, "I smoke weed" over and over again. On the other hand, how many people would suspect a man wearing a tux of being stoned? Probably not very many. So why not pull yourself together? At the very worst, you're all dressed up with something to smoke, which doesn't sound all bad.
Use Eyedrops and Carry Sunglasses
Red, heavily lidded eyes are the most obvious physical sign of cannabis consumption. While some people experience neither of these side effects, most smokers should always come prepared with eye drops, sunglasses, or both. Eye drops should not be used if you wear contact lenses, and sunglasses should only be worn when wearing them isn't considered odd. Sporting shades at an intimate family dinner, for instance, does more harm than good.
Listen More and Talk Less
Stuttering, trailing off, forgetting everything you wanted to say — it seems like anything that can go wrong will if you try to hold a conversation while stoned. That's why the trick to hiding your weed high in social situations is to become an active listener. Most people love to talk about themselves, and small questions (or even general sounds of acknowledgment) can keep some people talking for ages. And If you have to contribute, stick to simple topics that you know well. A boring story about work or school is great for this.
Avoid Using Common Stoner Lingo
As versatile as the word 'dude' can be, it's a dead giveaway that you either smoke weed or surf fat waves in California (most likely both). To keep people from connecting you to weed, try to avoid using any words that tie you to the cannabis community. While saying 'dank' doesn't immediately implicate you as high, it definitely suggests you might be.
Instead of behaving oddly, as though you have something to hide, try to emit an air of confidence. Acting like you have a secret actually makes you more conspicuous. The best way to hide your weed high from the world is to relax and enjoy being stoned. After all, what's the point of getting high if you're just going to stress out about it?
Realize That Not Everyone Cares
You were born sober, you grew up sober, and you might even die sober. As odd as hiding your weed high may feel, it should come naturally. In all reality, most people don't notice or care what's going on inside your head. The little signs that you may think give you away as a stoner may actually go unnoticed.
Is Hiding Your Weed High Really That Easy?
As long as you don't plan to eat a dozen edibles before an important interview, these tips and tricks should be enough to hide your weed high. No one has to know about your personal vices unless you want them to! And the less you think about being caught high, the better off you'll be.
So don't worry about people catching you stoned, especially when coming across as sober is so easy. Acting casual, collected, and calm will do more to hide your high than worrying ever will. It's better to come prepared so you can enjoy your weed without stressing out. You're not obligated to go through life sober, so why worry?